I once knew this girl, who thought it wan't time for her to fall in love.

"Love sucks", she said, and built walls around herself. The truth is that a boy broke her heart and believed the pain wasn't worth the risk at all.

And so she went on with her life -- enjoying a new job which brought her to places that made you believe in love, but the skies weren't strarry enough and the sunsets weren't beautiful enough, to make her open her heart once more.

"My heart is mine alone", she pledged.

So she continued to live like that -- comfortable, no complexities. She was free, but it wasn't exactly what she called rosy. Still she kept her guard, and continued to think love wasn't worth the trouble. She dated for a day or two, but she was so guarded, they might as well be dating the wall, or a lamp post, which had more electricity than they could ever ask from her. They were scared to hold her hand, lest she scratch them in retaliation.

And then she met this boy. Whose arrogance was so strong that the first line he told her was,

"You better get to know me. "

She retaliated with raised eyebrows and flared nostrils, but that only piqued him more and continued with "Number mo?" (Your number?)

He was so different from the other guys she met, she ended-up thinking about him more than she was willing to. He was definitely not a debonaire but he wsn't bad looking either. Tall, caramel skin, wavy hair that he loved to comb with his fingers (a very arrogant habit if you ask me), and piercing eyes that hinted of an intriguing yet frightening depth. He spoke with an accent.  

FOr days he bugged her for a response, came to her office and lifted her chair just to annoy her, laughed at her annoyance, and stared at her anger. But he never buckled. He never gave up.

She couldn't remember how it happened, but eventually they became friends. And found out he was really straightforward and that he loves to speak his mind. HE loudly voiced how annoying some people are, that he annoys himself most of the time (which she found pretty hilarious, but also very real), and likes telling her how she looks very nice in a skirt. An extravagant praise from someone she saw as very negative. But they got along fine, and didn't regret the fact that she finally agreed to give her number. He was a familiar presence that never made her feel crowded, but never let her feel alone as well.

Then one day he asked if he could go with her in one of her assignments.

"it's Octoberfest. Free beer, what more could you ask."

So she agreed and they stayed at the backseat of the car, along with the driver and the aging photographer who regalled them with more exciting assignments during his stint as a young 'appreciator' as he would call himself. SHe discovered they had a lot of things in common (her and Mr. arrogant, not the photographer). They both live in the present, they both love to laugh and they... well, she doesn't really know what else is there about them.

And then they encountered a set-back during the assignment, something as petty as a parking problem, which got her riled-up along with the driver and the old appreciator. For some reason she got so fumed-up she began resenting not just the parking problem, but the administration, the government, the con man on the street, her life... (she thought of this quietly, of course)

And then he saved her.

HE simply took her hand and held it with such a firm grip, that she suddenly froze. But she also never told him to let her go. She shut-up just like that, and let the driver and photographer do the fuming for her. She looked at his eyes, and he was looking back. They were silent, but they were speaking. The words weren't comprehensible, but still they understand. And somewhere between a furious driver and a rednecked photographer, he leaned over and whispered his first smile.

Her heart, was no longer hers. He was the only one brave enough to hold her hand.

And since then, he never let go.

***

Happy 2nd anniversary sweetie. Thank you for making me believe that sunsets are beautiful because you're simply there, and that stars don't make the night sky magical, it was your eyes.

"what if's" are one of those scattered thoughts that haunt you when you're left with nothing else to think about, sort of the same questions like, "where's the second grade teacher who used to give you sandwiches?" or "I wonder what happened to that classmate who dropped out of school to work?" But 'what if' thoughts are more heart-tugging, and they have the power to leave you misty eyed or slightly amused.

Tonight I had one of those 'what if's' moments. A childhood friend of mine flew back from the States, and our little village gang had  a little get-together which ended just a few hours ago. Among those who came was one guy who i had a big crush on when I was in elementary. J actually lives right beside us, but for some reason, we really didn't get to know each other that well. Still I considered him a 'friend' and we grew up throwing polite greetings at each other.

During tonight's party, i was surprised to have a pretty enjoyable conversation with him -- bantering jokes and updating each other with what's going on with our lives. He grew-up to be quite a hunk -- 5'11", well-muscled and the same startling round eyes. It was pretty hard not to be taken by him, but I managed to keep my giddiness to a bare minimum.

When I finally decided to call it a night, J got up and asked if he could walk me home. I had to admit i tried not to scream, and despite the guilty feeling i had at the back of my mind (the guilty feeling named, N), I said, "sure".

It was a short two-block walk back to our house, but it seemed we were taking the longer route considering the fact that our house wasn't getting any nearer. Anyway, J asked if i already have a boyfirend, and I honestly told him, yes, and that we've been going out for almost two years.

That's when J said...

"You know Techie, you were my first crush"

I was pretty glad the streets were a bit dark and hid my blush when i answered, "really now"

"Yeah, I wanted so much to ask you to be my date for the prom, but... I don't know, I guess I was just too shy to ask"

I know I shouldn't have felt it, but I really can't stop smiling to myself when he said that, good thing we were already in front of our gate. And then he asked this most silly, but sweetest thing I've encountered for the night...

"Hey, can I take our picture together with my phone? I mean, I don't think we've ever had a picture together, and we've known each other for like 18 years now"

I was so taken-aback that I just nodded in agreement. So under the flourescent streetlight, he took our picture. His arms were on my shoulder, and I just didn't have the heart to put it down.

"Well, good night. I'll see you around"

"yeah, see you around."

And just like that, my 'what if' walked back into the night, and into my memory...    

Well what do you know.

I was on TV!

***

People started texting me last Sunday, saying I was in 'Hidden Files". At first I had no idea what they were talking about, and thought I was like a victim of a gag show or something. It turned out that the ghost hunting story I covered was aired last Sunday and they showed my interview and a couple of clips of me while i was seated within the circle. Hmmm... I bet a lot of you would like to know what happened to that trip huh?

Well that really has to wait since it's a bit of a long story, and I'm still gathering my thoughts about the experience.

Anyway, how did i look? Well i didn't have to worry about flourecent lights or anything. I was shot using the cam's night vision mode, so i literally looked like a fish. More of that very, very soon.

***

Motime seems so quiet lately, don't you think?

Cheers everyone.

My thoughts during last night's earthquake:

"Man, I have got to stop drinking that much coffee"

Women are from Paris, Men are from Timbuktu

(In honor of Harriene’s Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus entry)

The phrase “opposites attract” holds true in my relationship with N. The difference of our interests could stretch as far as Asia to the Americas. He calls billiards over a couple of beers a date, and thinks the show Queer Eye for the Straight Guy is a documentary. Well I’m not really complaining. Dating him is one barrel of fun (a real treat to my otherwise humdrum existence), he’s never boring and he keeps me from feeling like I’m dating myself. He’s so machismo, that moments of vulnerability and romance are truly something worth keeping.

Plus he loves me like I do him, and I think that makes the whole difference.

What fascinates me most however (i.e. makes me snigger), is our difference when it comes to fashion. He’s a plain jeans and shirt guy, while me, on the other hand, is a tad more fashion conscious. Blame it on my job I guess, covering the fashion industry has rubbed a bit of its magic on me, and I just try to apply those that I’ve learned from doing all that styling. Still N thinks it’s amusing how I fuss over my clothes and constantly rolls his eyes whenever I tell him of the great find I bought at the mall.

Now don’t think he sees me as a shallow airhead whose idea of quality time is just going to the mall. He says he’s actually impressed by how much I know about the fabric, the latest trends, the style, and the designers, but wonders why I think it’s sensible to label the new line of clothes as the autumn or winter collection, when in fact, we don’t have an autumn or winter season in the Philippines.

Like the other day when I decided to wear this fab tweed coat with caramel and chocolate brown pucci prints that I got for P60 at the flea market. I paired it with cotton candy pink tank with a strawberry bead-embellished design, dark jeans, my lovely mustard stilettos and my grandma’s pearl choker and earrings. It was pretty casual, but vintage hip enough to blend me in the frou-frou event I attended that day. I just loved how the coat put a lot of oomph to my otherwise boring garb of tank and jeans. I tied my hair in a loose pony and let it drop over my left shoulder. Then I raised the collar of the coat to give it a more posh appeal. I thought my whole ensemble was sooo 70s romantic.

When I met N for coffee that day, he took one look at my outfit, lowered the lapels of my collar, kissed me and said, “sweetie, don’t you feel hot in that coat?” When I tried to raise the collar again, and explained it was ‘the style’ he just stared at me incredulously and grinned, “I know that girl, but you’re just in the office. Besides, you don’t have to look good for me, I think you’re always gorgeous”, then kissed me again. I mean, how could you argue with that? He didn’t even notice the hair!

Which got me thinking, I wonder how he’d react to my other clothes? If you ask me, the conversation would go something like this…

Me: This spaghetti strap looks so dainty, I think it would be nice on dark jeans

N: Don’t you have one of those in yellow? The ones where your boobies seem to pop out?

Me: I like the color mustard in shoes, you can wear it in both formal and casual parties

N: I like my mustard on chili dogs. Hey sweetie let’s try that new hotdog stand at the mall

Me: (with newly applied blush on my cheeks)

N: Baby you’ve got something smudged on your cheeks (then tries to remove blush)

Me: (wearing my yellow paper pants during the summer)

N: You do know you’re wearing your pajamas, right?

Me: Wow, this top would go well with my micro-minis.

N: Micro?! The ones you wore were micro-minis?! You’re never going to wear them again! (thinks for a second) Except when you’re with me.

Me: I need to buy thongs for that Capri

N: Butt floss!

Me: I’m going shopping for lingerie

N: (grinnign widely) Yeah!

Here are some scenes from my ghost hunting experience. Story to follow.

(Sorry guys, i don't know how to place them vertically)

The living room (or WAS the living room) of the haunted mansion.

One of the psychics getting a feel of the place.

See the hand? That's the timethe psychic is supposed to be face to face with the ghost.

That's May, trying to read flashes of the past (you'll get to know who she is,soon)

Psychic May being possessed by the lost spirit.

***

Well if you ask me, the whole hunt (which spanned from 11pm to 4am) was indeed an experience. It was scary, amazing, exciting,and an eye-opener all at the same time.

Juicy details coming very soon.

This has been a pretty interesting day so far.

I was able to interview Chip & Kim, the winners of AXN's Amazing Race 5 this morning, along with contemporaries from other Asian countries. It was an enjoyable conversation, and I specially loved the fact that they thought our country was really beautiful and that our El Nido in Palawan just took their breath away. And although Chip and Kim were talking to a Malaysian reporter at that time,i just couldn't help but blurt 'thank you' for the flattering compliment on the Philippines.  

***

Last Friday's ghost hunt was delayed, but then again, I'm off in 30 minutes to go to Cainta because we're doing the quest today. Now I can truly say, i'm seriously all nerves.

Or was that the coffee talking?

Wish me luck!

Today, I'm floating.

It was an uncomfortable night for me as i tossed around my comfortable futon trying to get some sleep. It could have been the coffee i drank after dinner, or the fact that I slept-away most of my Sunday. Whatever it was, it kept me awake, to think I went to bed around two in the morning. I tried counting sheeps, but after 1,276, I knew i couldn't keep up with the game. I listened to music, but it seems all radio stations decided to play Celine Dion hits -- and everyone knows you can't sleep with that.

I was too lazy to go downstairs and watch TV, so I slaved the night listening to all kinds of sounds the darkness was making --horny cats, insomniac dogs, formula 1 trucks in the nearby highway, and I might have just been imagining it, but i swear i heard kisses and prayers flying thorugh the chilly air. Funny how quiet evenings are actually quite noisy.

I just lay there, my eyes closed, but my being fully awake. And when my neighbor's clock suddenly rang in alarm for the next day's work, i knew i was up far too long. So i resumed to counting sheep -- and by 1,289... i just trailed off to la-la land. Just like that.

Two hours later I had to get up.

So now I'm in a state between dreams and reality, floating internalities brought about by a cup of coffee,and a night that's still vibrant with life.