I really got to do something about my email add – like make a new one entirely.

You see I’ve been a using the same address which I actually made at the start of my second year in college – and it reeks of hilarious naiveté and lack of imagination. I named my e-add after this Japanese actor I saw only once on television. I never saw him again. I can’t even remember his face! And the way the words were placed together, it just goes to show I had nothing better to do at that time.

The address? It’s sweethidet_chick@yahoo.com. Now how raw is that?  

Anyway, more than the name, it’s really pretty hard to use the address, especially when I try to give it over the phone for an official business deal. People on the other end of the line keep getting the spelling wrong, and I can’t really blame them! If I haven’t been using it for years now, I’d say even I won’t be able to get it. One time, I was talking to this woman who couldn’t get the address right for the life of her that she ended-up cutting the call.

Still, it goes to show how sentimental I can get when it comes to my stuff. I’ve written love letters, correspondents, friendly notes, and even break-up letters using the add, which is why I believe I’ve held on to it for so long.

Anyway, I’m trying to think of a more professional sounding email add for my more serious corresponding.

And I think I’d turn up with something boring. Well at least people won’t slam the phone on me anymore.

There’s just so much a pretty face can do – like turn my brains into noodles for one.

I went out for dinner with my friend Happy, last night in one of the posh bar strips in the metro. We were just walking when suddenly Happy squealed in delight after seeing an old gay friend she met years ago. While they were enjoying pleasantries, I happened to notice that the gay friend was with this really divine model I usually see in print ads. Turns out, gay friend here handles the guy’s career.

Sensing that there’s nothing left for us to do but introduce each other since both our friends are engrossed in their own world, divine model turned to me, gave this gorgeous grin and said, "Hi, I’m Victor," and reached out his right hand in an obvious gesture of a shake.

Me, in one of my "where did my brain go?" moments, uttered something incomprehensible (I seriously believe it was more of a cat-like growl) and reached out…  my left hand.

Good thing Victor was being a sport at that time or perhaps he’s just used to disorienting a girl into giving her left hand for a shake, and seemed nonchalant about the mistake.

So I took a deep breath, and managed to finally say, "Techie."

"Cool name," he said.

"You’re Victor right?"

Strike two.

"Uh, yeah," he said and decided to smile on my second boo-boo.

"I think I texted you before about something, I’m from this paper by the way, and I think I did a story with you or something," At this time, my brain was pleading for my mouth to shut-up.

"Really? Did I answer?"

"Yeah, thank God"

Okay, why did I just say that? Not only did it sound arrogant, it was somewhat downright rude to tell someone you barely know that you thought they were some snobbish no-brainers who’re so full of themselves, that they wouldn’t bother answering to such messages. I’m ashamed to admit, but I believe my statement was totally laced with insecurity.

Still, it turned out divine model is a genuine nice guy so he just gave that heart stopping grin and said “well I’m glad I did.”

At that moment, our friends have had enough of their reunion and were just saying their goodbyes when I decided to properly give divine model my farewell.

“Well it was nice to meet you,” said me.

Divine model didn’t say anything. He just nodded his head, hesitated for a moment, then took my left hand and shook it.

Sigh.

There’s just no excuse for me.

It’s one thing not to have the time to write, yet another not to even visit.

So just before anything else, I just want to send out love from this side of the world.

Happy New Year motime.

***

The thing with new years is how people often say that despite the new period in their lives, they’re still one to say that they are the same old person as they were before, five or ten years ago.

But that’s just not it.

Everyone changes whether we like to or not, and even the smallest of things can bring about these changes, which, if we look more closely into it, we’d realize is actually a major evolution. It could be anything – a song heard, a poem read, a sunset seen…

And the impact is truly mammoth, and one day we’d just find ourselves either more cheerful, more appreciative, more loving… definitely more intelligent – or dumber, come to think of it. But really we learn to see things in a whole new different light, and perhaps we’d begin to realize that we now understand them out of our own perception, without anyone else influencing how it is we should truly think.

Only then can we truly say we’ve began to live on our own.

***

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the past year is to discover and realize how important it is to have fun, and to treasure more anyone who’s in your life right now.

I believe I’ve exerted too much trying to prove something to myself.

2005 was a year of open windows, a time where I began to realize that there’s more to the world than my four-cornered office with the great view. Learning in my current section is a blast, but I thought there’s so much else I could do.

So I began to accept small jobs which ironically, demanded big things from me.

First was a short stint with what was supposed to be the next big thing in fashion glossies. The company got me as a contributing fashion editor, which was great. I worked with exceptionally creative people and seeing your ideas take form was an exhilarating experience – despite grueling weeks of meetings, brainstorming, and fashion shoots in between hours of my real job. It was hell but I thought it was worth it.

The problem however was with the company. For a group which was aggressive to plunge into the magazine biz, it was a real pain to find out they didn’t have the money to make print! The supposed November issue is now on the shelves.

I don’t think it will ever see light.

Then there’s the newsletter for a company owned by my high school friends. This project was easier to realize and despite my small team, I know it would take shape.

Death, however, is a fate even I have no power to interfere. It’s one of the saddest parts of my year, yet it also showed me that it’s really something to treasure everyone in your life right now – because you’ll never know just when it’s time you’ll be saying goodbye. I’m currently putting the final touches for my friend’s supposed pet project, one which truly honors me to know that he trusted my skills enough to leave such a task.

Joseph, wherever you are, this one’s for you.