What do you fear most?

I've been asking myself that question for some time now, and I realized that the answer is change. I've lived most of my life in comfortable habit that to drastically do something so out of the ordinary like, say, having a baby, can definitely put my life in total chaos.

And it has, although 99 percent of the time, I'm loving that change. As for the other stuff however -- my job, my sexlife, my weight -- boy, do I have a problem with that. And for a lot of reasons.

I love my job, I knew from the moment I first saw my name in print that I'm destined for the written world. BUt I'm kind of in a slump right now and it feels like I'm travelling in a ground so straight that there seem to be no chance for me to go 'up'. I guess that's the problem with newspaper outfits, someone has to die before you get the chance to move a level up the food chain and handle your own section. In my case, it's harder because it seems the only chance to grow is if you know when to get down on your knees and pucker up for some serious ass kissing -- and believe me, I don't do ass. So where do I go now then? As glamorous as my life seem now, there are days when I'd rather stay at home and watch reruns of America's Next Top Model than challenge myself to a 4:30 deadline.

And don't even get me started with my sex life. I guess it's inevitable. Guys get freaked out when they hear the words 'single mom.' Not that I'm actually looking for it, but can you actually blame me if I'm looking for a night of heavy breathing (and I'm not talking about asthma!)? Sex, for me, is another language, and boy do I have some pentup thoughts I just need to say right now.

Sheesh. HEre I go again -- my weight issues are becoming a bit more alarming for me. I always thought all I had was baby weight, but seven months after and I still feel like I'm 3 months pregnant. Which is not helping me out at all with my problem number #2. So please, please tell me to step it up and just hit the gym.

This is such a nonsense post, but I feel like I got to write something. I'm pretty sure I'll do better next time.

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Here's my lil boy now by the way -- the one with the big laugh